Kieran Healy

British Sporting Heroes

Kevin Drum spots the Guardian asking various people whether Tim Henman can win Wimbledon. Responses are generally negative.

Kevin says “The Brits sure are hard on their sports icons, aren’t they?” They are. Virginia Wade used to face this problem in the 1970s and ‘80s. As Britain’s only decent tennis player, commentators would routinely say “Britain’s hopes are pinned on Virginia.” But as Clive James observed, having Britain’s hopes pinned on you only slows you down.

Other pathologies of British sporting life include the magical way Irish athletes can be awarded British citizenship if they are doing well in international competition. No paperwork or ceremony is requred—a special provision built into the 1922 Treaty allows English sports commentators to award citizenship as needed during sporting events. Irish athletes can thus become British athletes with ease. Sports commentators are also allowed to revoke citizenship, and in particular may strip Irish football players of their passports as necessary. A related constitutional provision (dating back to the succession of James I) requires the Scottish football team to take on the role of “Britain’s representatives” if England are ever knocked out of a tournament first.

And just how often these days will Scotland do better than England in International Football tournaments? I’m free to ask this dicey question, due to being half-English and half-Scottish. :)

Yeah, there’s a big problem with England trying to pass off Irish football players as English

coughAldridgecascarinomcateersheedyhoughtontownsend*cough*

Yeah, I was gonna point out wjhat dsquared said. All those brummie accents in green shirts.

coughAldridgecascarinomcateersheedyhoughtontownsend*cough*

coughJohnBarnes*cough*ZolaBudd*cough*

Amazing how all that ‘imagined community’ stuff falls by the wayside when it comes to this issue, and we’re right back to primordialism.

As for the Scottish football team—well, their main talent is to get themselves into a position where they need to beat, eg, Bolivia 8-0 in order to progress to the next round. So I argree this rarely happens.

Seems like several European countries manage to pull this off, as in France’s 1998 World Cup victory.

I’ve no real objection to sportsmen and women using whatever quirks of family history or residency laws they can find to play sport at the highest level – but that doesn’t mean national sporting bodies have to pick them (or encourage them to “change” nationality).
Kieran is wrong, however, to suggest some equivalence between John Barnes (playing football for England because his parents moved from Jamaica when he was a child) and Zola Budd (or as Steve Bell had it “Notta Bleck”) who was brought over to Britain as an apartheid sanctions-busting exercise by a right wing paper.
As a socialist, of course I am longing for Henman to be knocked out of Wimbledon; Britain’s a SO much nicer place when he’s out, since he’s become an icon for the Tory press.
Harsh, but fair….

Yes, but what about the Act of Parliament that obliges all BBC Sports commentators to sit through every display by the Republic of Ireland football team saying ‘Oh, the plucky Irish…haven’t they got spirit? Isn’t it marvellous to see them playing their hearts out? Such marvellous fans…etc’- as some ‘Irishman’ attempts to plant his studs into an opponent’s leg, or hoofs the ball the length of the pitch for the sixtieth time.

(Christ, what am I saying? If the Irish play lousy football, and the media greet this with a gross outpouring of sentimental cliche, that’s because of Bloody Sunday. Or the Potato Famine. Or something.)

Oh, the plucky Irish…haven’t they got spirit? Isn’t it marvellous to see them playing their hearts out?

Good point. The subtext of talk like this is “Wait till the last 25 minutes, when they’ll get tired, fall to bits, and lose.” Sadly, this very often happens.

Personally I will Henman to lose because I just can’t stand that clenched-fist victory gesture he does when he wins. Anyone who’s seen him knows what I’m talking about.

By the way, if it’s patronising sports commentary you’re after, try watching a Wales rugby game …

They are called “the British Isles” for a reason, aren’t they? Are the Shetlands and the Orkneys part of the “British Isles”?

And what about Brittany?

And when French politicians refer to “les Anglo-Saxons,” I assume that the Cornish, the Devonians, the Welsh, the Irish, the Scots, the Orkneyans, and the Shetlanders are all included?

The last time Scotland did better in a World Cup than England was 1978, when the Scots qualified for the big dance and the English did not.

Of course it was James VI of Scotland who became James I of England. The Scots did win the real big dance.

I forget who the cyclist was whom a commentator described on TV as a great English cyclist in the 1980s, and a line ran across the bottom of the screen, “Actually, Ed, he’s Scottish.” It was pretty good. I don’t remember much rooting for the Irish or Scottish football teams as if they were English, and that wouldn’t apply to most other sports (rugby, cricket). Maybe athletics. Is Barry McGuigan from the North? He was pretty popular in England.
Notta Bleck is great. You get a few foreigners on English or UK teams, like the (white) Zimbabwean Lamb. Common enough around the world (US soccer).

Surely that last mentioned provision only dates to the Act of Union of 1707? I mean, to think that football was important in 1603! What nonsense!